The bad news is that we are presently living through the Dark Ages of America. Black magic, witches, squalor, plagues and pestilence define these fearful times.
But the good news is the Enlightenment now appears upon us.
Yes, sir, a veritable age of reason. Like the one they had in France. Not a moment too soon.
The dragon has been slain.
For years now, peasants in America have been kept in line, fearful of the terrible winged dragon who lives in a fiery cave in the mountains just beyond our village.
The town criers in the media and village priests in the Democrat Party warned us over and over again that violating their speech codes or thought codes will wake the dragon from his slumber. One slip of the tongue and the dragon will alight from his wretched lair to swoop into the village and devour the offending speaker and all his offspring.
Now, mind you, no peasant has ever seen the mythical dragon. But the criers and priests assure us that the dragon is there — just through the clouds — huffing smoke beneath sizzling, demonic eyes. Peasants clutch their children and cower.
Just to keep the fear going and keep all the peasants in line, the criers and priests make frequent ritual sacrifices. You know, to keep the Dragon away.
Offenders are banned from Twitter, hounded from the public square, and vilified as “racists” for any failure to kowtow to the graven images of George Floyd that they have erected all around the village. Companies that fail to broadcast proper homage to “Black Lives Matter” are surrounded by frothing social justice jackals and shamed out of business.
But the campaign to terrify the peasants appears to be losing steam. The curtain pulled back. The Dragon has been slain. Or, more precisely, it is starting to look like the dragon may have never existed.
After years of trashing top-rated cable TV host Tucker Carlson as a “racist” and a “conspiracy theorist,” The New York Times has just published yet another massive three-part slime job on Mr. Carlson. He is a racist, according to the supposed “newspaper of record,” because he believes that the duly enacted laws protecting our borders should in fact be enforced.
The major expose landed with a flaccid whimper.
Mr. Carlson responded by posting a photograph of himself grinning broadly while hoisting aloft The New York Times’ front page accusing him of being a racist. It was every bit as delicious as the famous photograph of President Harry Truman grinning beside the false newspaper headline “DEWEY BEATS TRUMAN” just after Mr. Truman had won reelection.
And, yet, the dragon never came.
“The New York Times is calling us racist again,” Mr. Carlson gloated. “And we’re still on the air, which shows you how well it works.”
The criers and priests took to Elon Musk’s Twitter to squeal and scream like weenies roasting in a campfire. Yet, still, the Dragon never came.
“It can only work if you play along with it,” Mr. Carlson concluded. “And we don’t plan to.”
All of this raises an important question. If the “Racist!” dragon is not real, is it possible that the village criers and priests are also lying about the abortion dragon?
For 50 years, the criers and priests have insisted that abortion is the most sacred right, the key to all happiness and freedom. Any threat to the sanctity of abortion will arouse the mighty dragon of Planned “Parenthood” and lay waste to the entire village.
Now come Justice Samuel A. Alito and the Supreme Court — the highest in our land — threatening to take a suction probe to dismember and evacuate these sacred abortion rights from our constitution.
Will this heresy arouse the abortion dragon? Does the abortion dragon even exist?
We will find out. This November.
• Charles Hurt is the opinion editor at The Washington Times.
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