The picture should start to come clear any day now. The London Express, which often reports things that nobody else has heard of, not even on the internet where there are no editors and anything goes, reports that the Illuminati is real and is secretly running the world from behind the scenes.
It’s a relief to learn that someone is running it, and the Illuminati is a group of 6,000 members — all world leaders, of course — led by a ruling council of five Americans, five Western Europeans, a Russian and an Indian. Both Donald Trump and George Soros are said to be members of the Illuminati, though it is not clear whether the ruling council meets at Mar-a-Largo, the Trump Hotel in downtown Washington, or at a Holiday Inn near Roswell, New Mexico, the flying saucer conspiracy capital of the world.
The proof that the Illuminati is real is that it has a website, and this week a former Canadian minister of Defence (the misspelling of Defense is an Anglo-Saxonism) who, according to the London Express, says the Illuminati is real and will soon introduce a New World Order.
The key members of the Illuminati are said to have been drawn from Hollywood, world capitals and the ranks of big business. This may explain Jeff Bezos’ purchase of The Washington Post. Mr. Bezos has demonstrated that he knows how to deliver packages, and working together in tandem with Walmart has pretty effectively destroyed Main Streets from coast-to-coast.
Some true believers say the Illuminati is a Satanic cult and will one day soon restore old Billy Ned, or Old Scratch as the old-timers call him, to a prominent place on Earth. It’s not clear why Old Scratch would move his headquarters to Boston, congenial as it might be, since he has been doing all right from where he is.
Paul Hellyer, 94, was the Canadian minister of defense for four years in the 1960s, and before that the minister for transportation, and became interested in outer space about the time the Canadian government decided it had no further space for him. He told interviewers in 2005 that he saw a flying saucer one night over Toronto, but kept his silence until he watched a program about flying saucers on television — or Unidentified Flying Objects, as they are more respectfully called — and decided they were real.
He’s a big believer in global warming, or global cooling, or climate change, or whatever it is correctly called this week. Who could doubt it? He thinks aliens have been visiting Earth for thousands of years, before George Soros made his first billion, and these spacelings might have developed the technology to cure the climate’s personality defects.
“I would like to see what [alien] technology there might be that would eliminate the burning of fossil fuels within a generation,” Mr. Hellyer told an Ottawa newspaper a decade ago, “and that could be a way to save the planet. We need to persuade governments to come clean on what they know. Some of us suspect they know quite a lot, and it might be enough to save our planet if applied quickly enough.”
Mr. Hellyer seems to know a lot about the subject himself. He told Russian interviewers only three years ago that at least four different species of spacelings have been visiting Earth for all these eons. Some of them are coming from other star systems, and some of them live in our star system, like cooties in a hippie’s hair, and are alive and well on Venus, Mars and Saturn’s moon.
Another London newspaper online, where fearless purveyors of real news live, reports some “truthers” have even located the new headquarters of the Illuminati in Australia, and have published aerial photographs of the complex, which somewhat resembles Mar-a-Lago.
The idea of an Illuminati (the very word means “enlightenment”) is not so far fetched to those who observe. It was the late, great Yogi Berra who famously observed that “you can see a lot by watching,” and so you can.
Something called “the Syndicate” has been operating for years in America. The Syndicate is a remarkable organization, with widespread interests, particularly in unexpected places. This week weather hysterics reported downpours all through the week end, proof that drought was nevertheless about to fry the nation’s capital to a crisp, like a potato chip.
How could this be, simultaneous drought and drenching rain? A piece of cake for the Syndicate. How to account for the success of Donald Trump when all the respectable, morally upright people in the world spend their waking hours despising him? Only the Syndicate could manage it. Armageddon will be the final clash of the Illuminati and the Syndicate. It should be a clash for the ages.
• Wesley Pruden is editor in chief emeritus of The Times.
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