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Former FBI Director James Comey. (Associated Press) ** FILE **

Still waiting for the garlic bullet

- The Washington Times

Donald Trump called James Comey a "slimeball," which is not a very presidential way to talk. But just this time we might have to forgive the president. James Comey really is a slimeball. Just about everybody says so.

Sarah Bernhardt. (Associated Press) ** FILE **

Paul Ryan and the long goodbye

- The Washington Times

The speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives has a difficult job. He has to spend a lot of time with congressmen, after all, and the typical congressman, Republican or Democrat, is composed of two pounds of ambition, three pounds of compressed gas and eight ounces of brains, stuffed into a one-pound bag. Who can deny him a hermitage in the Wisconsin wilds.

John Bolton. (Associated Press) ** FILE **

Fear, loathing and John Bolton

- The Washington Times

If John Bolton frightens the nation's enemies half as much as he frightens Chicken Little and all the Democrats at home, all the strife, evil and deceit in the world will soon be history. Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong-un will lie down with the lion and not have to worry about being the midnight snack.

Robert Mueller. (Associated Press) ** FILE **

Robert Mueller, villain and breaker of hearts

- The Washington Times

Thousands of the readers of The Washington Post suffered strokes, heart attacks and an outbreak of social disease this week in the wake of its big front-page story that Robert Mueller, in hot pursuit of the president for lo! these many months, has informed Donald Trump's lawyers that the president is not, after all, "a criminal target."

President McKinley

Running in hot pursuit of George Orwell

- The Washington Times

George Orwell is dead and gone, and more than a half-century has passed since he wrote "1984," but he would recognize America today. He was an Englishman (real name Eric Blair) who understood that no state is immune to human mischief.

FILE - In this image released by ABC, Roseanne Barr, left, and John Goodman appear in a scene from the reboot of "Roseanne," premiering on Tuesday at 8 p.m. EST. For the reboot, Roseanne will be at odds with her sister Jackie, played by Laurie Metcalf, over President Donald Trump. Barr said she thought it was important to show how the Conner family deals with the same issues many American families are facing. (Adam Rose/ABC via AP, File)

Hollywood gets a few lessons in storytelling

- The Washington Times

The grassroots keep sending messages to Hollywood, but usually nobody's home. Oblivious to real lives outside the California bubble, the masters of the fanciful, the absurd and the bizarre wouldn't read the message, anyway.

This image released by CBS News shows Stormy Daniels, left, during an interview with Anderson Cooper which aired on Sunday, March 25, 2018, on "60 Minutes." (CBS News/60 Minutes via AP)

All flash and no flesh: The Stormy Show

- The Washington Times

The mountain huffed and it puffed, and roared with promises of revelations that would shake the foundations of the republic. Or at least make the lights flicker. All it produced was a scrawny little mouse: Donald Trump is a vulgar womanizer, a pursuer of shady ladies with expensive lawyers and big boobs, and always on the make. Ho. Hum.

Joe Louis. (National Portrait Gallery)

The septuagenarian smackdown

- The Washington Times

This won't be "the thrilla in Manila," or the "rumble in the jungle," but "two clowns in a septuagenarian smackdown" should do more for the sweet science of boxing than anything since the two Joe Louis-Max Schmeling fights on the eve of World War II.

Andrew McCabe. (Associated Press) ** FILE **

A hero only to a lynch mob

- The Washington Times

Only a few days ago Andrew McCabe was nobody's idea of a hero, except to James Comey and maybe Robert Mueller. They think Mr. McCabe, tarnished or not, cashiered or not as the deputy director of the FBI, purveyor of fibs, stretchers and lies with and without varnish, might still be useful to their campaign to bring down Donald Trump.

Hillary Clinton. (Associated Press) ** FILE **

One last dance with Hillary

- The Washington Times

There's scarcely a pundit, wise guy or blowhard at the end of the bar who hasn't sworn off Hillary Clinton, vowing that it's time to find something new to rant and rave about.

Robert E. Lee

Can California do what the Confederacy couldn't?

- The Washington Times

California has no cannon guarding San Francisco Bay, and it's not likely that anybody at City Hall would know how to use one if there were, but Jeff Sessions, the U.S. attorney general, nevertheless has some wise words along with his lawsuit against California's sanctuary cities seeking to nullify federal immigration law.

George McGovern. (Associated Press) ** FILE **

The Democrats ponder a second McGovern fling

- The Washington Times

The silly season arrives early. Considerably more than a dozen prospective Democratic candidates for president in 2020 are lining up to talk about how they would dispatch the Donald to the island of discarded presidents.

The president Donald Trump could have been

- The Washington Times

The $64,000 question in Washington, still a lively speculation well into the second year of the Trump era, is whether Donald Trump with a little self-discipline could have accomplished more than he has, or whether a disciplined Donald could accomplish anything at all.

Shirley Chisholm. ** FILE **

Dreamy dreams in the Democratic bubble

- The Washington Times

Some of the worthies on the left have counted the votes and the Democrats have their nominee for 2020. It's either Oprah or Kamala Harris, or maybe Michelle Obama. Everyone's too giddy to get it all straight, but whether Oprah or Michelle or Kamala, someone's got the fork to stick in the Donald, and he'll be done.

Kim il-Sung (Associated Press)

Billy Graham, preaching from the belly of the beast

- The Washington Times

Five of us from The Washington Times were invited to Pyongyang in April 1992 by Kim Il-Sung, the grandfather of Rocket Man. The man called "the Great Leader," regarded as the founder of the Democratic Peoples Republic of Korea, wanted to open his hermit kingdom to the world, and we were the first Western newspapermen to test whether North Korea could withstand a regiment of editors and reporters in their midst for 11 days.

Vladimir Putin. (Associated Press) ** FILE **

Everybody's playing the new game in town

- The Washington Times

Washington measures everything and everyone by politics, and dysfunction is the new game in town. Rant and rage has become the lingua franca of the nation's capital. Taking the measure of Robert Mueller's indictment of 13 Russian cybernauts for interfering on Vladimir Putin's behalf in the 2016 presidential campaign is easy.

Kim Yo-jong, sister of North Korean leader Kim Jong-un, arrives at the opening ceremony of the 2018 Winter Olympics in Pyeongchang, South Korea, Friday, Feb. 9, 2018. (Associated Press)

The snookered press at Pyeongchang

- The Washington Times

When Kim Jong-un dispatched his crack propaganda team to Pyeongchang (and not P.F. Chang, the Chinese restaurant chain, as reported by NBC News) to cover the Winter Olympics, he couldn't have imagined that the American media in town would have been so easy to con.

George Soros. (Associated Press) ** FILE **

A new world order coming to a theater near you

- The Washington Times

The picture should start to come clear any day now. The London Express, which often reports things that nobody else has heard of, not even on the internet where there are no editors and anything goes, reports that the Illuminati is real and is secretly running the world from behind the scenes.

Washington Post reporters Bob Woodward, right, and Carl Bernstein photographed May 7, 1973. (Associated Press) ** FILE **

The surveillance state is here, and to stay

- The Washington Times

If great Washington scandals come in threes, as disasters are said to do, we're there. First there was Watergate, regarded as the granddaddy of them all. A third-rate burglary at the Watergate Hotel grew to a scandal big enough to cashier a president.

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