BROADWAY — Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is a legend in her own mind. A rock star with an air guitar. The leading actress in a movie all about her that was never made — and never will be.
She lives in a fantasy in which she is the fearless heroine slaying imaginary dragons in a kingdom so broken and evil that it does not deserve her.
The land of her fairytale is so broken and evil that we cannot even comprehend how broken and evil it is. And because we cannot comprehend the adversity she conquers every day — just to put on her face powder and eyeliner — we are unworthy to appreciate her strength and wisdom and fearlessness.
AOC — as she likes people to call her — is Joan of Arc, Martin Luther King, Gandhi, Mother Teresa and Winston Churchill all in one epic film that goes on forever and ever. Or, at least, for as long as her looks hold.
Her only audience — the only people dumb enough and delusional enough to follow along in her epic fantasy — is the political press. Or, even worse, the fashion press.
Gentlemen’s Quarterly magazine suppressed its last vestiges of “metrosexuality” this month to stage a fashion shoot for her. She posed. She strutted. She held her eyes and gazed into the adoring camera.
To complete the degrading fantasy, GQ let her say some words and printed some quotes from her — “about masculinity, power, and politics in post-Roe America,” they wrote.
OK, toots, whatever. Just hold that pose. Wear this. Stand up there on those steps and give us your best glam shot.
No, really, honey, we are in it for articles. You know, like GQ’s more famous cousin, Playboy magazine.
In truth, AOC is perfect for GQ. Both are heavily invested in the same fantasy. AOC is the perfect poser and GQ is just in it for the clicks.
The magazine cover features AOC in a smart blue, double-breasted business suit with a high, Elizabeth collar. What irony!
Inside, between the slick pages — she holds a pose in a grey sweatshirt, perfect face, plump red lips. From her ears hang thick hoop earrings, like giant golden zeroes framing her beautiful face.
The zeroes remind us of all that she has accomplished for the people she represents in Washington.
Sadly for her, AOC is a star — until she speaks.
“People ask me questions about the future. And realistically, I can’t even tell you if I’m going to be alive in September. And that weighs very heavily on me. And it’s not just the right wing. Misogyny transcends political ideology: left, right, center,” she told the cameraman.
Click, click, click.
In her fairytale, AOC imagines little girls who want her to be president. She said she struggles with what to say to her little imaginary friends.
“It’s very difficult for me to talk about because it provokes a lot of inner conflict in that I never want to tell a little girl what she can’t do. And I don’t want to tell young people what is not possible. I’ve never been in the business of doing that. But, at the same time…” she trails off, ominously.
Click, click, click.
It’s when she speaks that AOC sounds most like the adult film actor Dirk Diggler in the actual movie Boogie Nights.
“What can you expect when you’re on top,” Mr. Diggler says in the movie. “You know? It’s like Napoleon. When he was the king, you know, people were just constantly trying to conquer him, you know, in the Roman Empire. So, it’s history repeating itself all over again.”
Meanwhile, as AOC babbles on in extravagant fantasies about herself in a staged photo shoot on the steps of the U.S. Capitol, a real queen in a real kingdom lay dying in England.
During 70 years of entirely selfless service, Queen Elizabeth II demonstrated to the world what it means to be a true queen, facing actual adversity, shattering real barriers and leading her people into an uncertain — and at times terrifying — future.
God Bless the Queen. And may all the fakers stick to staring into the camera lens.
Click, click, click.
• Charles Hurt is the opinion editor at The Washington Times.
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