OPINION:
Each year, I question the value of celebrating Father’s Day.
It is not exactly like fathers are equal to mothers. The (usually) unspoken truth is that, for the most part and in most cases, mothers raise children.
Fathers, good ones at least, do the best they can to help out, provide for the family and occasionally offer up their best John Walton imitation, but the reality is that they are not the main characters in the life of a family.
Those spots are rightly reserved for moms and children and, for those lucky enough, grandchildren.
Most dads I know are just fine with that. Very few adult males actively seek the approval or validation of the crowd, and I do not and would not trust any adult males who do.
The other reason to wonder about Father’s Day is that everyone makes it sound and seem as if fathers have done some great thing or made some great sacrifice to become fathers. The reality is that fatherhood is an unalloyed good for men.
The balance of the data suggests that married fathers are happier than single men or married men who are not fathers. Fathers tend to make more money, be healthier and live longer than men who do not have children.
That does not even begin to capture the sense of value one can realize while being a father, grandfather, godfather or any kind of father to any kind of person who needs one.
We spend a lifetime collecting skills, knowledge and, hopefully, wisdom. The ability to share all that, whether trivial or important, with people you love and care about (and sometimes, complete strangers who have been placed in your path by God, fate or destiny) is satisfying beyond all words.
Unfortunately, the world needs our skills. Pick your favorite pathology. Crime? Drugs? Loneliness? Single moms? Absentee dads? Indifference to religion? Lack of patriotism? Failed educational system? Part of the solution is always going to be the provision of better examples through action.
If you are concerned about what is going on — whatever it is that concerns you most — maybe skip the next round of golf with the boys and see if you can find someone to help.
If you have or had a loving and caring father, shame on you if you needed a synthetic calendar reminder, such as Father’s Day, to let him know. My father has been dead for more than 15 years, yet he remains one of the most important people in my life. I am very, very grateful every day that he was patient and wise and had limited tolerance for my limitless nonsense when I was a child.
He was the father of eight, grandfather of two dozen or so and great-grandfather of approximately another dozen. He led a life of consequence at his job, and he set a standard that his sons, grandsons and great-grandsons struggle to meet each day.
What struck me about him, though, was that he carried a measure of guilt because he believed he was not able to give his wife and children every material thing they may have wanted. I never understood that very common sentiment until I became a father.
Many of us — perhaps most of us — are pretty confident that we have failed in some important way.
So, forget about Father’s Day and forget the tie. Take a moment to let your dad, grandfather, father figure or whoever needs to know that you think he did a pretty good job. That is the only kind of approval most fathers seek.
• Michael McKenna is a contributing editor at The Washington Times.
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