Cooper, your daddy Kirk Cousins tried real hard to give you a win to remember for your birthday. He played great, trust me.
Your uncles, though, they let you down — Uncle Terrelle dropping balls, Uncle Samaje fumbling balls, Uncle Josh not catching touchdowns, Uncle Jay not knowing what time it is, and then a whole group of uncles who kept making breaking the rules and getting in trouble for it — penalties, they call them.
“We had a lot of defensive penalties,” Uncle Jay told reporters after the game. “Too many penalties on defense against a very good football team. We can’t give them more opportunities.”
Cooper, your daddy did everything he could for your first game on this earth to be a Washington Redskins win.
Hopefully, someday someone will read this letter to you about your father. Or maybe you’ll read it yourself soon. I figure a preparation freak like Kirk Cousins has probably been reading to you while you were in the womb — pages of the Redskins playbook, perhaps, or chapters of his book, “Game Changer.”
Before I tell you about how great your dad played Monday night against the best team in the NFL, the Kansas City Chiefs, you should know something — you’re rich. I mean, really rich. Your dad is making $24 million this year. He made $20 million last year. And, the way he has played these last two weeks, he’s going to make many, many more millions.
And here’s the best part, Cooper — your dad spends money like a 72-year-old woman on Social Security. So that money will be there for you, buddy.
Kirk works hard for the money, Coop. Can I call you Coop?
You should have seen him Monday night at Arrowhead Stadium. Redskins are down 20-17 with less than five minutes left in the game and the ball at his 25 yard line. It’s loud down there, Coop, one of the hardest places in the league to play.
Now, your Dad had barely touched the ball in the second half. The Chiefs dominated time of possession most of the night. I mean, the Redskins offense got just 15 first downs, compared to 29 for the Chiefs.
Yet here was your dad, driving his team down the field, putting himself on the line, taking off and running the ball three times for 10, 15 and eight yards. It was almost like the way Uncle RGIII used to do it. It may be a while before you meet Uncle Bobby — maybe someday at a Redskins homecoming weekend. He’ll be the one arriving at FedEx Field in a taxi.
So here was your dad, Coop, putting his team in a position to tie the game up. But then Uncle Jay foolishly called time out with 57 seconds left, and then when your dad threw a beautiful game-winning touchdown pass to Uncle Josh, he failed to hang on to the ball when he hit the ground.
When Uncle Dustin hit the 40-yard field goal to tie the game, there was still 47 second left — enough time for quarterback Alex Smith and the Chiefs to put the ball into field goal range for Harrison Butker’s 43-yard game-winning kick.
Then your dad got caught in a bad situation at the end — a last-gasp lateral play that wound up in the hands of Kansas City’s Justin Houston, who scored a touchdown to make it a 29-20 Chiefs victory.
That play allowed Kansas City to cover the spread. Don’t ask your dad what that means, he’s not going to know. You’ll have to find some uncles from the side of your family they don’t talk about to learn about point spreads and covers
I just want you to know, Coop, that years from now, when you learn that your dad lost the game following your birth, you need to know it wasn’t his fault.
Ask Uncle Jay. “I was impressed that last drive,” he told reporters Monday. “He (Cousins) had a couple huge scrambles using his legs, big runs to get us into a position to get a tying field goal or possibly win the game if Josh can hang on to the ball.
“Kirk is playing well and he is getting us in position to win,” Uncle Jay said. “That’s all you can ask for at the end of the day. He’s handling the running game. He is using his legs in the passing game and delivering strikes, but obviously there is room for improvement like there is for all of us. That’s what we are striving to do, to improve every week and every day quite frankly. But I have been impressed with Kirk in the way he has come on after Week 1.”
Uncle Jay likes your dad. But so does Uncle Sean and Uncle Kyle, who you’ll see in two weeks when your dad’s team plays against the San Francisco 49ers.
Uncle Bruce? Maybe not so much.
Watch out for that guy, Coop.
• Thom Loverro hosts his weekly podcast “Cigars & Curveballs” Wednesdays available on iTunes, Google Play and the reVolver podcast network.
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