Ted Nugent

NUGENT: Build cages - the street rats will come

My job for the past 45 summers has been to rock 'n' roll unsuspecting fun lovers' skulls into talcum powder with my mighty American-made Gibson guitar. This summer is no different, as my killer band and I throttle relentlessly with my Trample the Weak Hurdle the Dead tour. Think of me as Dirty Harry with a ponytail.

July 2, 2010

NUGENT: Black-robers need to read the Constitution

With the beautiful Atlantic Ocean whitecapping out my hotel window on Fort Lauderdale Beach this fine American rock 'n 'roll summer morning, the only thing more beautiful is my handsome, oh-so-utilitarian Glock Model 20, 10 mm semi-auto pistol and 12 loaded high-capacity magazines sitting on the little table next to me. I am such a man for all seasons. Can you say cocked, locked and ready to rock, doc?

July 1, 2010

NUGENT: The Fedzilla destructo derby rages on

If Fedzilla were to overhaul the automobile industry like it proposes to overhaul Wall Street, I'm convinced it would demand the automobile industry produce cars without steering wheels.

June 29, 2010

NUGENT: Let the big dogs run

As much as I dearly respect this great warrior, the good Gen. Stanley A. McChrystal forgot one of the fundamentals of leadership: The pace of the pack is set by the lead dog.

June 25, 2010

NUGENT: Trample the weak, hurdle the dead

No, really. I mean it. In a world of spineless, humorless political correctness, I suppose I could translate the title of my new love song and 2010 tour for the creatively challenged out there, and am certain it will make for some good reading. I like the line drawn in the sand. I don't want a big tent. That would mean I would welcome idiots and losers. Until they stop being idiots and losers, my tent is not open to them. We have an excellence detector installed in the entranceway of my tent. Mediocrity will get you thrown out. Know it.

June 24, 2010

NUGENT: The Declaration of Defiance

Defiance is the DNA of America. Every fiber of my being is overdosed on high-octane defiance. I often rise in the morning convinced that I am Rosa Parks with a loud guitar. It is beautiful.

June 21, 2010

NUGENT: Nu … nu … nuclear

As a conservationist, I have long understood the condition of the air, soil and water is an important barometer by which we can measure our own health and priorities as a society and culture.

June 17, 2010

NUGENT: Michelle, my belly …

There is no work more important than what first lady Michelle Obama is doing to get America fit, and she deserves a tip of the Nuge cowboy hat for it. Mrs. Obama is promoting a get-fit-and-get-active campaign for American kids. God bless her for it. Our children need Mrs. Obama and her campaign now more than ever. Equally important, she needs the support of American parents.

June 15, 2010

NUGENT: Playing with fire in a packed theater

They say all politics is local. Well, I think the best, most effective politics is much more intimate than that. I believe the ultimate American politics begins and ends with oneself: All of us "we the people" maintaining control of things as a united voice of reason, goodwill and decency. I happen to know that's how it all began with some tough, defiant anti-big-government leaders known as our Founding Fathers.

June 11, 2010

NUGENT: Celebrate D-Day

In last week's column celebrating Memorial Day, I wrote that I live to remember. Those weren't just hollow words. They were hallowed words.

June 3, 2010

NUGENT: Oil spill is our fault

With the possible exception of the tobacco industry, no industry is held in more contempt and scorn than big oil. This is strangely foolish in that tobacco has been proved to cause cancer and has no beneficial use whatsoever, whereas oil literally fuels the American dream. Another clear example of the disconnect that brought us President Barack Hussein Obama.

June 1, 2010

NUGENT: Every day is Memorial Day

I live to remember. I have not forgotten that America is still at war in Iraq and Afghanistan, that our finest citizens have volunteered to put themselves in harm's way in the name of freedom. The media overall have done a grave disservice to our warriors and their families, who have been asked to sacrifice so much. The war is now barely covered by the media.

May 28, 2010

NUGENT: If you are this politically incorrect …

Ah, the joys of spring cleaning. What a wonderful American ritual it is to pursue cleanliness next to godliness as we tidy up our homes and properties following another cabin-fever-inspiring wintertime. Personal hygiene doesn't end with sacred temple management but surely extends into our beloved homes as well. My kids were all taught this self-evident truth, and spring is welcomed by most Americans thusly as we clean up for another grand year of the American Dream.

May 26, 2010

NUGENT: Don’t ask, don’t care

The nonstop news orgy, in its never-ending scramble to figure out why the Times Square bomber would want to hurt innocent Americans, is laughable. That's like getting a headache trying to determine the causation of Jeffrey Dahmer's demonic predisposition to drug, rape, torture, murder and eat the remains of his homosexual victims.

May 19, 2010

NUGENT: Profile or die

Word on the streets of our otherwise quiet little neighborhood is that random packs of Dalmatians have been attacking kids all over town. Numerous eyewitness reports, video, citizens' testimony and documentation conclusively identifies these black-and-white-spotted dogs violently biting, maiming, and in some horrific instances, actually killing children and then viciously attacking responding animal-control officers.

May 7, 2010

NUGENT: Is the kettle black enough?

If ever there was a case of the proverbial pot calling the kettle black, it is the cluster of new financial "reform" regulations Washington politicians are trying to foist on the back of Wall Street.

May 5, 2010

NUGENT: Immigration lesson for numskulls

In the absence of any real border enforcement by Fedzilla and after the emergency of the recent murder of rancher Robert Krentz, Arizonans rightfully took matters into their own hands and passed a law allowing Arizona cops to demand immigration papers from people they stop.

May 3, 2010

NUGENT: I love animals - they’re delicious

Animals give me life. I like to eat them, ride them, pet them, wear them, grow them, watch them, and know in my pure aboriginal predator heart and soul that the health and condition of the animals in our lives are direct indicators of our own quality of life. The wildlife on the sacred Nugent hunting grounds, like all across North America, is thriving, naturally wild and spectacular. Our three Labrador retrievers and stupid old cat are clearly the happiest pets on earth. I love animals, and they love me. Perfect.

March 8, 2010